I was sad. My heart felt like weeping, and I prayed. For some reason the idea of going on a mission had already taken root, and I was thinking about it. But I was exhausted in my soul. I wanted life to begin.
I prayed that I could just get married and start a family. I was ready to be consistent.
Little did I know how much I needed to know. The following years brought a lot of things my way, and at times I didn't juggle them as well as I should have. But therein was a lesson.
I soon came to REALLY want to go on a mission, and it was the first thing I wanted enough to work towards with everything I had. And then I learned to give it up for something even more important.
Life sometimes requires that you make forever choices. For better or worse, you need to own those forever choices and you become tasked with turning for worse into for better.
Anyways, the point is that here I am, getting married in fifty-seven days. Things have changed. I can feel the growth I've been through. It's boggling to think that a good life means no end to growth.
I'm so excited for the future. In the next five years I want to be in L.A. doing makeup for movies, and not just for movies, but on the side working with photographers, doing fashion styles, maybe even weddings.
The thing that draws me to makeup is the creativity. It's about your name. I've always wanted to do my own business - to do something for me. The feeling that I'm sowing and reaping towards my own storehouse is so empowering, and liberating. It makes me feel like a man, and I'll find that in makeup.
Does that sound odd? Maybe. Allow me to explain.
As a makeup artist, I'll be hired by movie companies, get called by designers to do work for them, and they'll be asking for me. For my name, and my creativity. My name has the opportunity to be as heavy as Starbucks in the creative industry. That's encouraging. All I have to do is run my daydreams through the creative process, translate them to fit the human figure and learn what products will do that for me.
So I'm excited. I'm excited to be there, shoulder to shoulder with artists on the film set telling stories. Taking viewers across the galaxy, over the seas and wherever the plot may dare to go.
It will be me being an individual, advancing myself, with the opportunity to do work on the side. That's encouraging. That will make me feel accomplished and at the top of my own heap.
additionally, I think that makeup is perfect for me. I'm so easy towards extremism. I'm very intense inside. I hyper-focus on things. When I first started going back to church intently, I would have had no problem renouncing the world to live like a hermit for God and righteousness. I feel like it's very suitable that I should join myself with an industry as imaginative, light, airy, and yes, shallow as doing makeup designs. It's a good contrast to the side of me that can get wound up to frustration and anger in cycles of meditation and thought.
So I feel good.
I'm so excited to get married. I'm so thankful for Mallory and the support that she gives me. I trust her with my heart. It's taken me a while to get there, but I'm there, and she has it. I'm doing my best to have hers. People say it's difficult to live with someone else when you're not accustomed to it.
I'm not worried. We've been through a lot. All I have is hers. All I will do in life is for her and for the family we'll have. Love is an exercise of patience that is made easy by true love and respect. By faith in each other.
I've been thinking about how cool it will be, FAR down the road, to have kids. To see Mallory's face in a cute little girl that has a feature or two from me. With every child's smile seeing a reincarnation of Mallory's beauty and a part of her living in a young little person. That will be amazing.
Anyways, that's all for tonight. I've got to get some rest, but I'll leave you with some eye candy. A few images that I've found which embody the kind of beauty I want to get into the industry to create.
