NEW YEAR!

This year has been one of the best years I've ever had, and also one of the hardest.

I am thankful for so many things: Mallory, my family (Greg falls under this umbrella, he's my brother), the church, God. So many things. I really feel like I've grown a lot in this year because of these four catalysts in my life. They have combined to make me a more motivated and more driven person, who has higher expectations for himself. I truly feel like a more powerful individual, more capable of setting goals and making them. I know I have the ability to be successful as I keep myself engaged in the effort of being consistently productive.

I have been doing a lot more writing recently. I really want to outline a plan for a collection of short stories, and then bring them to pass. My favorite book has been Ray Bradbury's "Illustrated Man", and what this book is, is a collection of short, unrelated blips on how the human element reacts to a science fiction universe. It's infinitely intriguing, and was preceded by Ray Bradbury's work "The Martian Chronicles", which is once again a collection of short compositions, differing in that the stories tell the progressive story of how Mankind reaches, conquers and subdues the fourth planet from the sun. My goal would be to create a world and shoot at it with several different stories of varying length, each magnifying and bringing to light the subtleties and details of this fantasy.

I want to work on more art, but this really comes secondary to my goal of writing.

I am thankful for being able to have the new year to begin again and start with a fresh slate. To address problems and work towards fixing them. To go forward towards a better future.

Alma 38:12 "... See that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness."

I Could Get Used to the Country

I was about to title this post "I could live in the country" but I quickly took it back. I could if I had to, but I would really rather not. Really.

Blackfoot is a nice little place. Probably just good enough for how long I'm here, though. They have a small lake that drains and ices over during the winter, refilling itself during the summer months. I walked around this one of the first nights that I was here, and enjoyed strolling past the Blackfoot airstrip.

Cozy little town. Went to a cafe today, wandered around walmart - all this without headphones. Just as much as I believe that modern man must subject themselves to the elements from time to time, I think it is good for us to hollow out our ears as well. Listen to the wind; listen to the ambience of people in a crowded grocery store; it's all good for the creative mind. I even took inspiration from the televised ads that Walmart has on the ends of their aisles. I don't know what it is that made my muse leap, perhaps that it's just so dystopian typical.

It's the production value of professional commercials that grabs me. Especially when you take that idealized, staged environment - edited to perfection - and place it in a completely human and imperfect setting like walmart. This perfect voice condescending to ordinary individuals, telling them how to live their lives and what they need in order to be more like the image placed on an lcd screen before them. I'm not bitter, I promise, I just think it says something about society. Good or bad? I'm not going to go there, I just find it interesting in a purely aesthetic sense.

So I bought some tea. I love how you can buy a nice, big drink that will last you five or ten minutes for the same price that you can buy a box of tea that comes with twenty tea bags. I think the thing I really love about tea is that you get a hot, relaxing beverage and you don't get any calories on the side. There's no sugar, there's none of that. It's just pure, natural flavor. And I love finding new tea flavors to keep on hand at home.

So today was a good day. I got to sit down on the side of this frozen lake and do some writing. I love just finding interesting sights and creating scenarios with my imagination and putting myself in them. Going to places all by myself and filling in the absence of people with the setting of a story. So therapeutic.

Oh life!

I want to go on a walk. Just take some headphones and go out and visit all the surrounding marshlands of issaquah. Head out in the rain and fog that we've had recently and just get lost in the sound and speechless trails. Inhale the mist like an organic sedative, risen up from the dew and the grasses.

I'll take my peacoat, so I can be like a mallard to the cold: drift through the chilly degrees unharmed; let it slick off the blanket sewn around my posture.

Oh what a day it will be.

Laid Off

I went in to work today, and began my shift just like I would any other shift. About an hour in, though, one of the store managers told me that he needed to talk to me, so he brought over one of the head cashiers to cover for my register. He pulled me aside - very far aside - and gave me my two weeks' notice. I'm being laid off.

He said something comforting; that the decision was not made by anyone who worked with me, and is not because of anything I've done wrong. He stated that he thinks I'm a great kid, and that he's enjoyed having me there, and would be open to the idea of rehiring me after thirty days. He told me that this is what I should do, and I suppose I will, if I haven't found anything else by that time.

This hurts. It's taking away a lot from me. It's taking away my ability to help my family, and it's taking away my ability to pay for dates and to buy things for Mallory, or even to buy little things for myself. I'm so sick of being in and out of jobs all the time. I really want something to stick.

I was battling myself during work for a few hours after this, trying to keep my spirits up and not be completely down and miserable about this, and I remembered a certain scripture in Mosiah. It reads:

Mosiah 23:21 "Nevertheless the Lord seethe fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith. (22:) Nevertheless - whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day. Yea, and thus it was with this people."

It goes on to say in Mosiah 24:14 "And I will ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions."

So this is what I've been trying to think about. I don't want to let myself linger in the valley of sorrow, because that isn't productive, nor is it helpful at all.

On the bright side, I have plenty of time to finish the book I'm reading, and to work on my own fiction. Not to mention go out and have more walks.

I think that this event really makes me want to be motivated towards pursuing my own creative goals even more. I want to be valued for how I see the world, and the things which I draw out of my experience in this thing called life. The power of a good, clever writer is so great upon the imaginations of those who read and dream. I have always been a story teller, and there's no more kidding myself. I need to quit procrastinating and learn to do what I love!

Anyways, I have dishes to do here before I go to bed. I can't wait for thanksgiving dinner tomorrow!

Goodnight!

SCI_FI

I wish I could just breathe and worlds would come out of me. Meaning. I want to create meaning, and show people the way I see the world.

It takes work, though. And I'm willing to begin the effort.

I like me some jazz at midnight

It's so smooth and chill. Very delightful.

(okay, so this isn't posted at midnight, but you get the picture)

I've been working a lot recently, and I really love it. It's good to have a job, and I work with some really great people.

I don't have much time to write more than this, but things are going great. My phone is off, so if anyone is put off that I'm not calling them, this is why.

Oh, and just a little word for Brett: people at work are calling me a hipster. Your findings might be confirmed in this area. I still vehemently disagree. Hmph.

I found a bag of lemon ginger tea just now. Nice.

Today

I am so grateful for my job, my family, for everything. At the risk of sounding boastful or cheesy, I must say that I love where life has taken me. I am so glad for all things.

today was a very regular day. I woke up, I worked, I came home and I'm sitting here writing in a blog that no one reads and engaging in a practice that millions of other people do, and yet my day has been so significant.

I have a woman that I love, and who loves me. I have ability and brightness and I have happiness.

I am content. I am so glad for religion. I know that my redeemer lives and I know that if I am doing what is right, then I will be instructed on how to navigate the waters, and will be preserved upon the great deep.

2 Nephi 4: 17-21